15.August.2005
I have a good excuse this time! ... well, maybe not... I was in a bit of a car accident at the end of July. July 25th if
I remember correctly. Actually, if i was told correctly, because the only thing i really remember about that night was playing
darts for a bit, the rest was all knocked out of me during on of the flips our car did on the ride home. It was no one's
fault, no one to blame, except that accidents just happen. Was there a reason behind it? Probably not. I spend so much time
in the hospital trying to get better as fast as possible, and when the finally took me off the drugs that made me really messed up,
I tried to think of why it happened... what the big reason behind it all was, and what I should learn from it is... and I can come
up with nothing. I mean, the car wasn't in the best of shape... I had been drinking, and our designated driver took a chance passing a vehicle.
That's pretty much what happened. The driver stayed in the hospital for a few days, but other than that, it was just an accident. There
isn't anyone to be mad at...
So my whole family flew over. I must have been in some bad shape or something. Like I said, I can't remember anything about it, and
my recollection of when I finally was woken out of my coma (for a week and a half i think...), I was so drugged out i can differentiate
between what reality and what my dreams were. That's the most odd part of the whole time. I would have put money that certian things
happened, and that i said certian things, and they just didn't... then, I hear things I said and did, and I don't remember them at all.
That is just messing with me big time... I need to come to terms with the fact that I won't really know what happened, what I said and did, and
what I thought I said and did. Ugh... annoying.
So I think I am ok now. It's been three weeks since the accident, perhaps if my family didn't fly over I'd still be in the hospital. I just
couldn't stand laying in that bed every day, with them all in Germany, only coming to see me every day then going back to the army base to sleep.
I was pretty much spending most of my time thinking of what hoops i needed to jump through to get out of the hospital. The things I notice still
wrong with me are a bit annoying...
I have trouble looking any direction but straight ahead when I'm walking... I'll fall all over the place. Also, I can't focus if I'm looking to the
side either. My vision still seems really messed up. My motor skills are horrible too, but I'm getting better. At least I can type
now, two days ago it was the most difficult thing, but I've been playing guitar a lot too, and I'm sure that helps. I am horribly weak as well. I
really can't lift anything with my right side. I can't reach back with my right arm, I can't pick my stuff up with my right arm. At least it's
still there though... I think that's from the seatbelt being over my right shoulder, not sure though.
I am going to write up a whole story on what I thought happened as soon as I get done with the page layout, but I don't have much time, cuz I'm
just so tired all the time. Staying up late used to be my thing... getting no sleep at night wasn't a big deal to me, but I'm struggling now
at early times in the evening. Oh yeah, if you look at me too, you'd probably never guess I was in an accident. I had a lot of scrapes on
my face and such, but those have pretty much healed up. I had a cracked skull and fractured eye socket I think (my eyes were black and blue for two weeks), but
I'm pretty sure that's healed. I have a lot of missing hair spots, but still, you wouldn't know from looking at me, and I still seem
pretty normal in the head too, so don't worry about talking to me. Mainly when people come into my room they tell me I look good, except that I lost
so much weight. I can't give you an exact number, but most people say it right away, so I'm sure it was a lot of weight gone. It's hard
to get it back too, cuz it's difficult to eat.
Ok, enough talk about the accident. I'm supposedly off work for 3 more weeks to heal up. I'm gonna need all that probably. As soon as I get a
bit of stamina back and stop getting so tired walking up a flight of stairs, I'm gonna have to work out. I can't stand being so weak. For a while I
couldn't open a bottle of water.
So my plans... I was thinking about going to the states for a few weeks to recouperate, but I can't stand flying in an airplane, so that's not going
to happen now. I'm just gonna catch up on stuff I should have done a long time ago, and work on getting better asap. Seriously, this is
the worst thing that happened to me since I joined the army. I think of how rough the army gets, and how beat up I've felt in the army, working... but
the only thing I'd change since I joined would be this accident. I'm gonna miss a lot of days in the field, and I used to think I wanted
that really bad, but all I want is to not hurt all over and be normal again. Stupid car accidents....
Ok, I'm gonna work on my story now...
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