December Diary Archive

Daily Entries Archived from December

December 4th, 2002

A month ends, a new one begins. Never be able to go back to November 2002. That sucks too, regrets regrets regrets. Oh well.

I'm going to title the next few paragraphs my "Ode To Rhonda" You'll get it... I'm actually laughing already. Then I'll go on to better things.

First things first, if you've been following along, you probably know where I'm going with this, if not, I'll build it up a little bit because I have nothing better to do than to put way to much effort into my stories, and you have nothing better to do than read it.

Do you think I'm a moron? I mean really? Am I an 'f'ing idiot? Jesus. I have a website, and a lot of people who know me, know that I have this website. Nearly everyone that I know, knows that I'm pretty much always had a website, and that I don't hold back on my websites. On this particular website, I have a link, clear as day, that says, "online diary". Anybody can see it, and anybody can click on it, bring them to this page. (obviously, you've done something similar). I make no attempts to hide this page from anybody. OOOooo!!! You are so fucking sneaky, you found this page. You must be a fucking retard if you think that you are some computer wiz just because you found this page. I realize, that most of my audience does not harbor any feelings of superiority just due to the fact that they found this page, but one person, apparently does.

Let's get into it, hey?

Obviously, by making this page as accessible, as it is, I'm not really trying to hide anything from anyone. And if there are things I don't want people to know, I wouldn't type them. Obviously, this goes against my rule on the page, but I'd be an idiot if I typed every single thought I ever had. I come pretty close, but there is still a few things buried back in my head. Anyhow, do you think I care who reads this page? Or who I offend, or who I flatter? Do you think that most people who know me personally don't already know some of the things I mention on these pages? Christ, you are a fucking moron. Yes, I'm talking about Rhonda Blake, arguably one of the most idiotic people on the planet, and I'm not just exaggerating for dramatic effect. Seriously, this lady doesn't get anything. You'll have to meet her sometime

Ok, obviously I do a lot of bitching on this page, a lot of soul searching, questioning former decisions, and just general story telling, but I'll get into that in just a bit.

For those of you that don't know who Rhonda Blake is, I'll summarize.

Rhonda was a former friend of my father's. I wasn't really speaking with my father at the time that they met, so I don't know a whole lot about it. Nor did I have the same experiences my brothers had with her. From when I first met her, Rhonda was a decent lady. She was extremely nice to me, and we got along well. When I was going to leave for college, Rhonda helped me immesely. I am eternally grateful for her help, for without her, things would have been very very difficult for me. Well, when I was off in school, my brothers, partly with the help of Rhonda, eliminated Rhonda from my father's household. She moved off and everything was whatever with that. My brothers were happy (they did not get along with her at all), and I remained pretty much a neutral party. Well, back in the fall of 2001, Rhonda moved back in. From what I've gathered from my father, she was in debt up to her ass, and my father decided to pay a bunch of her bills like the idiot that he was. (they maintained contact throughout this whole little "break). So Rhonda moved back in, and Matt (a junior in college) moved in with my grandmother immediately. Dan, a senior in high school, tried to have a chat with my father about it, but my dad avioded it, so Dan moved out to my grandmother's as well. Rhonda stayed throughout the winter, and into most of this past summer. Many 'f'd up stories here, so many of which I could go into to tell you of how Rhonda was bringing my father into the shit hole that is her life, but I'm not going to get into it. I moved in with my father to help him out. I don't know how he farmed alone for as long as he did, but it was a good thing I came home. At this point, Rhonda was cool to me. We chatted occaisionally on the telephone and I feined interest as she babbled on about the useless stories and bullshit situations she always got herself into with my father's family, including stuff with my brothers. I was actually on her side most of the time. I didn't know Rhonda well, and she was always very cool to me. You could really say that I was sort of a Rhonda supporter. Shortly after I moved in, I quickly became a Rhonda hater. Let me tell you, it's hard for me not to get along with someone. I can get along with almost anyone. Seriously, there aren't many people that I don't like. For whatever reason, Rhonda seemed to want me to dislike her. And let me tell you, within two weeks of living with this terrible version of a human being, I quickly disliked her. God, this lady has problems, on so many levels. I encourage you to meet her. She's interesting, because it's nearly impossible to like this lady. Anyhow, I didn't push for my dad to kick her out, or to keep her here. I just listened patiently as my dad complained, about her. Each day, more and more. Finally, he said to me, "do you think we can handle it, if I kick Rhonda out?". "I think we'll be find Dad", was my reply. The lady spent 3 hours doing one load of laundry, and then complained to my father about how much work she did. Rhonda could find ways to make good food have absolutely no flavor. There wasn't many good points to her being here, so my dad kicked her out. It wasn't something he felt really comfortable doing. He planned on marrying this lady. Thank God he didn't. I'm pretty sure this lady would have taken him for everything he had, which isn't much. When Rhonda moved out the first time, She stole stuff. Of course, I can't really back this up, as I wasn't here, but according to my brothers, and my grandma, thousands of dollars of stuff seemed to just disappear. Of course, my being around this kick out time, I was going to make sure she was gone, not stealing anything, no intimidation, and that she wouldn't be coming back. I contacted a lawyer to find out the legal way of going about all of this, and I won. She printed off these stupid lists of what was her stuff. For example, "stuff in the drawers by the sink". Yeah, that's fucking legal, go ahead, go into the drawers and take what is yours. Bullshit. You can have, what we say you can have. That's how it was going to be, and that's the way it was. We weren't about to go and steal stuff of her's, bringing us down to her sorry level. We wanted her shit out of here, but there was no way in hell any members of her family were going to get through me, intimidate me into sacrificing what little stuff my father has acquired. Plus with what she made out with the first time she left, I'm sure she still ended up on top. Anyhow, that story can be gone into over and over again. My goal was to make sure that we kicked her out, that she didn't steal anything, and I wanted to make sure she knew that her behavior wasn't welcome here anymore. I did a good job

Maybe too good of a job

Since then, Rhonda hasn't been able to let things go. Once her shit was out of here, my father and I have maybe mentioned her name 3 or 4 times. Yeah, that's right bitch, I know you are reading this. We don't give a shit about you anymore. So don't fuck with us. Anyhow, she sent me an email maybe two months after her sorry ass was out of here. Apparently, she told my father she wanted her name off of my webpagee. Yeah, as soon as it becomes illegal to have your name on a webpage, I'll take it off. Get with it lady, if I want to tell stories bashing you, I can. Go ahead and make your own site ripping on me. You won't see me sending you emails. Anyhow, that email didn't deserve a response from me, and I let it pass, I didn't even mention it within these pages.

Well now...

This sorry bitch, this sneaky mother fucker, found this diary page. Yeah, I know, can you believe it? Can you believe, she made it through all of my web security and poked into this page. A computer hacker in the making? How terrifically intelligent of her. I mean, not just anyone can come to this site, and find this page, right? I mean, I'm hiding it so well. You dumb fucking bitch. If you can't tell, I've added a hint of sarcasm to the above statements.

Anyhow, she printed off a few pages and mailed them to my father. Ooo!!! You are goign to get me in trouble now!!! Christ, I'm probably going to get grounded or something. Like I said before, I am not trying to hide anythind this page. If I air some stresses I'm having about with my life, chances are, my father knows about it. I really don't understand what her purpose was with her sending these pages to my father. What do you think? That she is trying to break up our family more? That she doesn't have anything better to do than read about me and get me in trouble with my father? God, I don't know at all. She's just a moron, and you can never be prepared for what she is goign to do next. I'm actually sort of glad she sent it to my father. Made for another interesting story. Let me tell you what happened when my dad got the letter. "Doug, how does Rhonda get these pages of this stuff you sent", "let me see it" I said. He showed me. "oh, that's on my website" I replied. "you write stuff like this on your site?" My father said. "Yeah, it makes me feel better". That was it. You got us Rhonda. Whew, we almost lost it. We almost sold the farm right there and I was going to move to Arizona, and never speak to my dad again. Just because you sent that stuff. Fucking dumb broad.

My challenge is this. What's next Rhonda. Bring it on. I know you can't let it go. I don't know why you feel any need to still be involved in our day to day operations. I don't know why you can't just let it go and move on with your life. We did. It's not difficult, you aren't that difficult to forget. I know that's hard to believe. So what's next up your sleeve. What are you goign to try to do next? Come in the middle of the night to steal from our house? No, we keep the doors locked and the shed locked. That's about the only way you've affected us. You made us realize that there truly are evil people in this world. People you have to watch out for. What are you going to do. Come and kill some of our cows? Yeah, my father may think so. He thinks that you are a bunch of "professional con-artists". I disagree. My father may not have a good understanding of how the world works, or how to figure out people, or figure out things in general. But I do, I'm not an idiot, and I can figure out anything. I will always win when something is involved with you. You are not more intelligent than I am, nor is anyone that you know. If you decide to cause any harm, I will dedicate myself to bringing you down. Whatever it takes. I don't not take threats well, and I won't back down from a challenge like that. So bring it on, because I would like nothing better than to make you feel like shit for the rest of your life. So what are you goign to do? Kill us? That's about your only option, but I wouldn't be surprised, you fucking pyscho.

For these reasons, we make Rhonda our Car Accident of the Week

Whew, that was a fun one. I think Rhonda just needs some tender care of something. Drop her an email if you have time, tell her you care about her and that you hope she is doing well... raeblake@hotmail.com

Yeah, I had more to say, but that was exhausting. Have a terrific night.

December 7th, 2002

Am I just pure evil? Some might agree with that statement. Some ex-girlfriends, and various enemies that I've acquired. You know, I'm not totally a jerk. I'm usually quite mellow, but it all varies with the person I'm with. Some people, I'm total asshole, all the time, and other people, I'm way too mellow, way to easygoing. So don't judge my personality based on that last entry. Just realize that I'll always try to get the upper hand. That's true with everyone I know with the exception of two people.

Anyhow, now that I've gotten that whole mess out there. Which was definitely fun. I wasn't trying to seem like I was pissed or anything. I am not angry at all. Rather amused maybe, but, one has to portray the correct attitude to sell tickets, no?

So things have been interesting for me lately. I'm pretty much done at work. It's weird there. One day, I can be sitting in a little skid steer for half of the day, pushing around piles and piles of corn, and then, an hour later, I'm in the most dangerous situation in my life. Let's talk about that. My boss has this huge elevator system (i'll spare you the agriculture talk and dumb things down a bit). Anyhow, we put corn into it at the ground, and it carries it up into the air, before dropping it in the appropriate tube that puts it into a grain bin. Well, this elevator, is 120 feet in the air. It's not too big around either. About 2 feet in diameter maybe, so it looks just like a big tube, running up 120 feet in the air. On top of this mountain is two motors. Well, we've been having trouble with the motors, so someone had to climb this thing to fix it. That someone was me. Attached to the tube is a ladder, that goes all the way to the top. Did I mention that it was 120 feet in the air. Stop and imagine how high that is. You've probably see silo's by farms. You know, the really tall round things? Well, the highest of those you'd probably see is 70 feet. And that's a pretty high one. They get higher, but you probably never see them. If you see one that's really tall, it's probably between 60 and 70 feet tall. So double that, and make it just a tube with a ladder hooked to it, and that's what I had to climb. Anyhow, I have this nasty habit of climbing way to fast. So I got up around 80 feet, and I had to stop. It was so cold up there. I didn't know if I was tired, or cold, or just damned scared. It was probably all of those things. This climb feels like forever too. It's just up and up and up. At the top is a nice little platform for you to stand on. The thing is, because the whole setup is so narrow, the things is just swaying all over the place. Let me tell you, it was horrible. I got up there, and I couldn't even bring myself to stand up. Then I got really scared, and was worried I wouldn't be able to climb down. I was so worried that I was going to be stuck up there, that I had to climb down a little way right away, just so that I knew I could do it. Yeah, I know, I sound like a loser, but climb up straight up 120 feet in the air and see how you'd react. My dad has a 65 ft. silo, so this is way higher than what I'm used to. I was in airplanes that flew lower than this thing. So I finally got it fixed, and I called Jeff (guy I work with) to try it and make sure it worked. He didn't answer. I didn't want to stick around up there too long, with the thing swaying all over the place, and it being so cold, so I made the descent. I got down, we tried it, and it worked... for about 5 seconds. So I had to go back up again. That time I was more comfortable, but I don't think you could ever feel completely comfortable up there.

What's funny... I once knew a guy who used to change lightbulbs on those huge cellphone and radio towers. Those things are usually around 300 feet high. He made really good money too. Got paid by the "foot" of height. I wanted to do that. I thought I could handle it. No way, never would I be able to climp up higher than that. It was a good experience though, and I'm glad I got to do it before I left there. I would have been disappointed if I never got to climb it. You know, I don't know how high the world trade center is, but I remember being in the sears tower a few times. This wasn't nearly as high, you could tell by the vehicle size, how things look from being up that high. But I bet the WTC was pretty close to as high. I can't believe people volutarily jumped from that height. I mean, talk about the scariest thing ever, I couldn't imagine having to choose between burning to death or jumping from 120 feet. I'd rather burn probably, and I wasn't even close to as high as the WTC is. Yeesh!!

Other than that, I'm trying to figure out whether or not I should move. I don't want to just leave my dad behind, but I can't stand it here anymore. I know I should only be thinking about myself, as a person I once knew told me. But I can't help it, if I leave, the farm leaves too, and I'll never be able to come back to it. Not that I would anytime soon anyhow. When I move, I'm gone. I'm feeling so much pain right now, leaving the people I knew so well in Milwaukee. I mean, I feel like absolute shit, and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop torturing myself with it. I hate that I left there. I know I had to, but I hate that I did. And I can't get over it. I know if I move far away, I'll be over it right away, so many new things to think about, to worry about. Too much on my mind to think about the past. That'll last for a while too, and by the time I have time to think about the relationships I left in Milwaukee, I'll have all but forgotten about those people anyhow. See, right now, I just work so much, that I have no time to do anything social at all. I have no personal life, and nothing is really going for me. So the longer I stay here, the more those things are going to bother me. If I stay here much longer, I'm going to always have this huge regret that I left there. I know what you are saying, you can't just run away from those things. I disagree. At least, I know I can. I know I can run away and not even think about it anymore. I usually have no problem getting over things. I'm quite good at it actually, but here, I just have nothing else to think about. I'm afriad that I'm convincing myself that I care more about those people than I originally thought.

So I know once I get out of here, I'm good to go. I have a bunch of things I know I can do. My mom and her pals are able to help me out finding work, plus, I can always get my CDL license here in WI, and drive a truck for awhile down there, because then I would have good benefits right away, and income, and trucking companies are always looking for drivers. I could work at some fast food joint, and take some classes, or get more computer certifications, just to pay the bills. But things would really be looking up for me if I move. Sticking around here, things are just going down. I think I'm getting some fucking version of depression or something. But that's not hard to do, when everything slowly slips away. Things are harder when they leave slowly I think. You know, if something or someone is gone, it's a lot easier to get over, but when something lingers, slowly getting worse, that just sucks ass big time. That's what's happening to me here in Casco, everything is slowly getting worse. I have working more and more every day. Things were great when I first got here, because I was thinking it was going to be so temporary. I was really good with Jamie, I still talked to Devin a lot. Heath and I weren't cool, but two out of three wasn't too bad. Now, I haven't talked to Devin in over a month, and Jamie has probably forgotten my name already. I didn't need that. I didn't want to do that to myself. That's why when I moved out of Milwaukee, I wanted everythign I had to stay here. Leave really clean. Way easier to get rid of everything all at once, then to do it over time. Then, I got all hung up on Jamie, and she was coming here and stuff, and I was getting really used to being able to talk to her, then that stopped, right after I went there. I emailed telling her thanks for the weekend, and she told me it was "very nice", then I sent a really good one, then nothing, for a month. Ugh, heartbreaking. I just wanted to leave that all in Milwaukee. It would have been easier for me. Now I'm all hung up on her, and realized so many good things about her that I probably shouldn't have, and now I'm stuck. That's really why I want to leave. Well, that's the second biggest reason. The first is that I want to get on with my life. I have goals, things I want to have done at certian points in my life, and I keep puttin stuff off. So we'll see, I usually go with my head, but maybe I'll go with my heart. My heart says to go to Arizona. But my head says to stick it out here and make some money to take care of the things that I need to. We'll see how my poll turns out.

That's all for tonight. Have a good weekend. It's my first time that I have two days off since my birthday, so it should be fun. Take care!

December 8th, 2002

<--- Hammered!!!

That's an arrow, pointing to me, because I've drank too much tonight. Which means it's a perfect oppurtunity for a diary entry. Actually, is there a feminine/masculine version of the word, like only girls can call them diaries, but the word "journal" is co-ed? That's interesting, I should look that up sometime.

I feel as though I've been too serious these past few months. I haven't really had an oppurtunity to blow off any steam. Though busting your ass everyday, with mind boggling tough physical labor, I haven't been able to unload spiritually. I don't know anybody, or anythign I can do to make myself feel better. It used to be easy when Jamie was around, but those days are long gone. Now, I've had to figure things out for myself. So I bought two bottles of wine today, and figured I would enjoy my first "2 day weekend" in a month. Granted, I'm all by myself. But I don't care anymore.

I've made the decision to move to arizona now. It's a real deal, I'm actually doing it.

December 9th, 2002

So it's Monday. Fun day, I have to work this whole week yet. Which sort of sucks, because I have a lot of things on my mind. This is my last week though. So I pretty much stand around at work. Getting wet because we have to wash all the machinery off. Falling on my ass over and over again, because the water freezing on the metal I'm standing on. Then I have to move... POW!! right on my face. Yeah, that happened on more than one occasion. I think things would be better if I didn't have such a goddamn big head. You know, it throws off my center of balance.

So I'm sure all you faithful daily readers are wondering what's going on in my head. I'm about 95% positive I'm going to move. The only things that keep that from being 100% is finding a place to live 2000 miles away, and finding a job. I'm not to worried about getting a job though, I have enough cash where I'm sure I can get by for a while. But if I dont ahve a job within a week, then I'm not going to buy anything to live with. You see, my plan is to mail off my computer, DVD player and movies, and some of my clothes. The rest I'll pack into two bags and carry with me on the bus. Nothing else is comign with me. Even my cats unfortunately. So if I don't have a job, I'm going to be leary about buying furniture, because I don't want to be broke down there. My plan is to buy stuff at those second hand stores, you know, just go really cheap. A little couch, a little tv, a little desk, and whatever things I need. Hopefully I can keep it under 500 bucks right there. Hopefully. I need to take some time to break these things down, because if I don't, then I'll go and buy new stuff, or things I shouldn't really be spending my money on.

I don't mind living like a peasant for a few months, as long as it's good for my long term situation. Eventually, of course, I would trade everything up for better stuff. Christmas sure makes it tough though. I love buying good presents, but I shouldn't be spending too much money on presents, but then I'm being selfish, and I hate being selfish. Do you understand my deliemma? I'm sure some people have it worse.

So I'm excited, nervous, whatever about the whole thing. My Nova, I have no idea what to do with that. Talking to my dad about it has been all but impossible. He realizes what I need to do, but I hate mentioning it. I won't have a car, so I'll be taking the bus everywhere. Should be very interesting to live like after how my life has always been. I'm catching up on the bills so I don't have to worry about that for a while, and when everything get's set up, I should be sending out an email to those that know me. My finest email that will be.

I noticed on my home page that I have the support of the readers of this website. I have no idea who is voting, but the percentage is pretty good for me moving. Either people don't want me around, or they really think I need to continue on with my life.

For those of you paying attention, I have moved to www.dougmalcore.com. Pretty cool eh? A new email address too..."d@dougmalcore.com". Some of my most creative work there. Probably my worst email address ever. I'll stick to doug@thedustsettles.com probably. It's been a lot of work moving over too. Stayed up way too late last night and was late for work today. Actually, it's way to late already and I probably should be going into my bed. That's a good idea. Have a good day tomorrow!

December 18th, 2002

Yes, it's getting to be about that time....

Today, I quit my job at Larry Pravechek. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but I need my time. For if you've been following along, you'll see that I'm moving away next tuesday. Yep, going to give it the old college try in Arizona, although I hope I try a little harder than I did in college.

So I've been growing out the beard and hair since I've left Milwaukee. It's quite long now. I'm going to take before and after pictures of myself, as I'm getting it cut and shaving back to looking normal tomorrow. Should be interesting. I'll post when I get a chance

I think I'm going to be a roofer for a while. Strange huh? I leave blue collar northeast wisconsin, and i go to putting on roofs in Arizona. Here's my plan. I can start roofing right away when I get down there. Well, Dec. 26th. So I'll do that. Roof for a while, until I get an apartment, get situated, you know, make sure everything is ok, then I"m going to work for the big missle defense company down there. I think I have it laid out pretty well. I'm staying with my mom for a little while, but I don't want to stay any longer than I have to. As soon as I establish a pay check, I'm goign to sign a lease, then I'll see what I can get for a car with the cash that I have at that point. No loans. I'm not going to screw myself with a car payment. My plan for the first year is that if I can't afford it with cash, I'm not going to buy it. Should be safe. I really don't want to fail there, so I this should help. At least make me feel a little bit more comfortable.

So I'm a little nervous, obviously. It wasn't really a big deal to me, until right before I bought my plane ticket. Then I've been a mess for a little while, and today. I've sort of been on cloud nine. Realizing that it's going to happen for sure now. I spent 300 bucks on the ticket, and of course, it's non-refundable.

I'll tell you what's pretty surprising. I'll probably miss the guys I work with a little bit. Strange. I mean, it's totally people I never would have gotten along with four years ago. But we sure had some good times at work. Jeff Staats is one of my most favorite people that I've met. He's a little weird, it takes a while to understand where he's coming from, but once you do, you'd never stop laughing listening to the guy talk. Man, I wish I met him sooner in my life. Probalby the nicest guy I ever met. Genuine too, he's just cool as hell. Really really intelligent, but he will only apply his intelligence to farming. I seriously think the guy could do anything he wanted to, if he had the patience, but he just loves farming. The one liners I've learned from that guy I'll probably never stop laughing.

Honestly, I haven't told my father yet. I don't know what I say. I swear to God that he knows I'm leaving, and he's trying to do all this stuff to make me feel guilty, and all this wierd shit. Like he's going to have to have surgery, and all this other stuff. It's a long story, and I've been drinking, so my attention span is pretty short.

December 22th, 2002

Well, I've done some good work on this site the past few days, so I figure I should write a little bit in this page, considering it's my most visited page on this site. Probably because it's the one I update on a somewhat regular basis, or as I'd like to think, because I'm just that damned interesting.

Some interesting stuff. My poll results were 74 votes, with about 35.1% telling me to go, 31.1% telling me to stay, and 33.8% not having any response. Hmmm....

Reading through my website stats, I can tell who has been coming to my site, and where that person is going. That's a pretty nice feature. It mostly tells me that I should be working on this page a lot more, since a lot of people come to the site, go to the diary, and then leave. Someone from the military is checking out my site too. I don't know who that could be. The only person in the military that I know is Nick Nighbor, and I doubt he'd have found this page. But most of you regular's I know. I konw Heath is on sometimes, per the "scotts.com" domain name. I know when I'm online, per doorpi.net domain. Stuff like that. I konw only one person has went to my feedback page since I've put it up, and one person has gone to my guestbook page, and I have no response. C'mon people, that's fun for me. Fill that stuff out. Someone has to be the first.

As you can see, I've cut my hair. Pretty weird. I was so pissed at the lady for cutting the sideburns. I didn't want her to touch the beard, but she really wanted to. Damnit. It's weird looking at myself in the mirror now. I think the last time my hair was cut it was a cooperative effort by Heath and myself. He botched it up pretty good, then I had to fix it in the mirror. Didn't do to bad of a job. He was all, "i'll give you 15 bucks to go get it fixed" Ha, that was funny, and then I just left if after that for six months. So it couldn't have been that bad of a job. Well, I look like I'm about 15 now, my dad said that I look younger than Dan. I think I really lost a lot of weight, looking at pictures with short hair last winter compared to this one, my face just seems so much less fat. Probably because I'm getting older too, my face is not as round anymore. Unfortunately, my head is still damned big, just don't tell me that.

So my dad and I sort of talked about me moving out. That was wierd. I was just dreading telling him. I think that's what took so long for me to move out now. I just didn't want to tell him. He asked me the other day when we were talking about my youngest brother Dan coming back. My dad said, "when are you going down there". I told him Christmas Eve, then he asked when I was coming back, and I told him I wasn't sure. Then he asked about a job, and I told him that I was hooked up, and that's all we said about it for 2 days. Then yesterday, we talked about it a lot. That was pretty tough. He was telling me about how he should break up the farm, that he doesn't want to do it alone, and asking me all this stuff that I was supposed to be doing, like the bookwork and everything like that, showing him how to use the computer he just bought but hasn't recieved yet. That sort of sucks.

So I'm going to go and finish doing some more pages. Some people are bitching at me for how long it's taking me to get a page up. You have to realize how much work it is. I have to make graphics for each page, edit pictures, figure out layout, everything like that. You know, I've made 36 pages on this site already? That's a lot. I would have never guessed this site would be that many pages, but I think it's turning out really well. I was reading one of my first "update" entries today, and i said that I'd come through, and then some with a web site. I think I'm doing it. I'm fairly proud of this so far. I think it's pretty cool. Asthetically pleasing, and decent content. The content could be better, but I just want to get every page at least 75% done, then I'll go back and add more excited content to each page. Should be fun.

Oh yeah, good holiday tidings to you as well, before I forget. We wouldn't even have a Christmas tree here if my grandmother didn't bring one (double negative). So I'm don't really have any holiday spirit. Have a good day.

December 23rd, 2002

This could be my last entry of the month. Probably will be, depending on how long it takes my computer to get to Tucson.

So tomorrow is the day. Am I ready to leave "life as I know it" as my mom asked me. Yes, I need to get out of here finally. For however long that will be. I feel bad for my dad, because the past two days I haven't helped him out at all. I'm busy getting everything ready and stuff, but I can see him working out there all alone, and knowing he has to do it by himself from now on. Ugh, I'm not letting that hold me back though, I need to do something for myself.

My good friend from high school and earlier, Kelly Jerabek came over last night. Pretty good times talking to that guy. I haven't seen him in ages either. He went to Europe for a while, and just hearing his stories is inspiration to move there. Sounded like he had some pretty good times.

I really don't know what else to say. Ummm, I plan on continuing this website when I'm down there too. It's fun to work on, and it makes me easier to locate for those that I don't talk to on a regular basis.